It's amazing how sleep is almost as exciting as a planned vacation. It is currently 2:46 a.m. and here I am. No, I'm not up with a sick child or a teething baby, everyone in this house is sleeping away. You may wonder why I'm not asleep and the answer is complicated.
First, I think it might be the iced coffee I had at 5 this evening (that was a duh!). Second, I feel a little detached. We are in the process of planning much needed vacation, sort of a second honeymoon. Kenneth and I just celebrated 9 years of marriage. In the process I've been thinking about nothing else than this impending trip. Instead of interacting, I've been mentally absent. In being mentally absent, I've been short tempered. (How dare my little ones interrupt my magazine reading, don't they know that I need to know the fashions so I don't look like a worn out mommy?) Our middle child is one that daily, sometimes hourly, interrupts a pleasant thought or moment with his.....Evanness. I really don't know any other word. I know he's not a "bad kid" or "overly hyper" or any other label we tend to put on our kids. He is loud, ornery, smart, silly and three going on four. But he is totally draining. Having a baby under one year of age doesn't seem to help either.
So, here I am trying to get a grasp on myself before I can leave my babies behind and enjoy my husband without mommy guilt. So, I do what any other mother (I know) would do. I get out my trusty parenting books, prayer books and Bible and try to dig out of the emotional and spiritual rut (those two go hand and hand for me).
I pull out Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas and turn to the chapter titled Walking on the Wild Side of Parenting: The Gift of Extremely Demanding Children. The chapter begins with Psalm 127:3-5, but quickly that children-as-a-blessing is not the only biblical truth, that in some instances children can also feel like a curse.
Ok, let me stop right here and add that I do not feel like my children are a curse, at least 90% of the time. If I stop and really think about it those times are mostly influenced by spiritual dryness, hormonal shifts, and feeling under appreciated. Usually two of these are tied together.
Now back to the book, Thomas then goes on to say that because of our free will given by God, two Christian parents can raise a wayward child simply because of the childs will. This is both refreshing and disturbing to me. I want to raise boys into wonderful men, who don't have to feel the need to go their own way. I want them to desire God's way. The truth is I know they will at times go their way, they may even stay wayward. Thomas then goes on to say
Godly, children are a trementous blessing: this is a precoius biblical truth. But
scripture is honest, and we should be as well. Wayward children can, at the
very least, feel like a fierce curse. The bible couldn't be more clear that
wayward children will pay for their treachery. (Prov. 30:17)
The wayward child wounds a parent in two ways. First, the child wounds the
mother by despising her, cheating her, robbing her or even hitting her. But then,
almost inexplicably, he tears his mother's heart in two when she grieves over her
profligate child's misfortune as he inevitably marches toward his own ruin.
How sobering to face the vulnerability that someone could make our lives absolutely miserable-and yet we would lay down our lives on their behalf withoug thinking about it.
There's no getting around the fact that parenting occasionally can suck you dry. It will
take you beyond your own strenght until you want to weep from weariness, but then you
watch, amazed that you still get up and give some more.
All of this leading up where he says that even if you have a great day with one child another will feel jealous or resentful. In my house this is constant, at three there are some things that Evan can do to feel "big", but its not what he wants to do. If big brother has recieved praise for accompling some task before he has decided to start the one I asked of him, Evan then decides its not worth doing. That is only one issue.
And it's really no single issue that drags us down or send us over the edge. We blanch at the ever-present wight of al the issues put together-day in, day our, morning, noon and night. Parenting can surely be an exhausting profession, but it's also a complex calling-one that can have a profound impact on our spiritual development.
We need to use the most wearisome aspects of parenting as the occasion for thanking God
for putting up with us. Only the most forgetful and the most blind among us can act arrogantly before God, as though he had giben us a heavier burden than we had given him.
Sacred parenting reminds us that no matter how difficult a child may be, we still play in the
minor leagues compared to God's great sacrifice.
"This brother, as troublesome as he may be, nevertheless teahes you patience, kindness,
and compassion; that is why we need him here. No one else can teach you the lessons
he teaches."
So now I feel inspired again. I know I will be extra tired once the boys are ready to start the day but for me to have been encouraged and to pass this on to whoever reads this post is worth it. This is what my blogs are for, so I can go back re-read my thoughts and inspirations and remember my mission and calling. I will end with this verse that is taped to my bathroom wall; "Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap if you do not lose heart." Galations 6:9
